I’m so happy to be starting a new week. A fresh start, a new day. Ahh yes. Monday. It’s a love/hate thing, really. Mostly love. It’s always mostly love.
Monday was on my side today. I woke up bright and early, sipped coffee, ate oatmeal, and read The Book of Salt – a class assignment that I’m really actually enjoying! It’s a great read for all my food/cooking lovin’ peeps out there…
Class started at 10:00am and was supposed to go until 4:00pm today, but we decided to work through our lunch break and end early at 1:30pm. Best. Idea. Ever.
I walked home after class, ate leftover quinoa and bok choy stir fry, putzed around my desk for a bit…which clearly needs to be organized –
and decided that I’d head to yoga tonight. A real live class. At a real live yoga studio. With real live yogis. Ooooh, mon coeur.
After several days of a hiatus (minus a much needed quick roll around on the floor yesterday for my tight hips and hamstrings) I wanted to go. I’ve thought a lot about it over the past week or so and realized that I just need to take a metaphorical chill pill. You’ll see…
I purposely got to the studio early. The lobby is beautiful and tranquil and makes me feel like I’m home. Not like, home in Tampa, home. But like, content and happy, this is where I’m supposed to be, kinda home.
I sat on the floor for a bit, stretching out my very tight hips before the 90 minute Ashtanga class. When class started I set my mat down next to a new found friend, a fellow healthy food lover and avid yogini extraordinaire – the same one I met at the studio last time I went.
I told her how I hadn’t been to a class since the last time and she said she hadn’t been practicing as much as she would like to either. And then she said exactly what I needed to here… “it’s just not our purpose right now.”
Lightbulb.
I know I keep talking about the same thing over and over, but I realized when she said that that I had been getting all caught up in what I had been, and where I was going, that I forgot that right now I’m a student living in Paris on quite the adventure, meant to explore and experience what’s right in front of me. Why have I tried so hard to resist this?
Practice was challenging. 90 minutes of vigorous Ashtanga kicked my assana…a little yoga humor for ya. My physical practice is different, but I felt surprisingly content in the little yoga sanctuary, listening to the teacher tell us to relax our shoulders, heads, etc. and to just breathe (in French, I might add!). I left with a new outlook, feeling refreshed and ready for whatever is to come my way.
Myself and I have had lots of conversations in the past few days. No, not in that creepy “who’s that weirdo over there mumbling to themselves” kinda –way. You know, like the nitty gritty, soul-searching, examine your shadows kinda way. Those are the best.
I’ve decided that I just need to be nice to myself. Abstract concept, yes? (Sarcasm)
All those thoughts I expressed in that post on Friday (What is the ideal shape? And other thoughts on slenderness…) stem from the same thing. I just need to take it (it meaning, well, everything) moment by moment, and not get caught up in what I haven’t done for the day, what task is waiting for me, or what I have to do on my yoga mat. No one is going to love me less if I don’t practice, or if I don’t look a certain way. It doesn’t make me less of a person if I don’t do this or that, or like like that girl over there, or whatever. Duh.
You see, I’m a perfectionist. In a big way. Total Type-A, pain in the butt, stuck in her ways kinda gal. Don’t get me wrong – I’m really delightful 
But still – I’m attentive and productive to a flaw.
I’m on top of my work, I get things done, I’m efficient and I’m smart. But I’m also stuck in my ways and have a hard time going with the flow and letting go of that perfectionist tendency. Well, no more. I even doodled to remind myself….
Doodling is good. It works. Trust me.
Yep. That’s the resolution to our discussion Friday. Moment by moment. ‘Cuz that’s just all we got.
I came home from yoga feeling healthy and whole. And hungry, of course. I attempted to put my revelations into practice in the kitchen and just wing it. Poached eggs? Sure? Why not? I’ve never made them before and really wanted to try since I had them at a restaurant not too long ago.
30 minutes, a huge mess and one failed attempt later, I was grubbing on scrambled eggs with spinach and bacon. Mmm.
Note to self: Learn how to poach eggs.
I’m fairly certain I’ll sleep like a baby tonight, resting easy in my new resolution. Or perhaps it’s the effects of a very challenging yoga class. The good news is I’ll have sore muscles for days reminding me of all these revelations. No wonder yoga helps you stay present!
Here’s to now, my friends. Good night!
“Yoga has taught me that you are in a conscious body to learn what love is, not romantic love, although that may be part of your learning, but God-love, which is inclusive and infinite. In order to truly understand what this "love" is, part of the challenge of being human is that you will also have to experience and explore its opposite; what love is not…To truly understand the light, you must also understand the power and mystery of the shadow. It has taught me to embrace the shadow parts of myself—the ugly, shameful, scary and often repressed aspects—because without the wisdom the shadow provides, I cannot truly understand the power of your light, the depths of your beauty, nor your capacity for empathy. I cannot know, love or honor all parts of you unless I know, love and honor all parts of me.”
– Seane Corn
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