“For A New Beginning”

Well, you may have noticed I haven’t been around lately. It’s not you. It’s me. Let me explain…

 

You see, I had to take a step back. I’ve mentioned previously how I have had some struggles in the past with eating and body image. I really have come a long way, but for some reason, I have really struggled for the past few months with staying in balance and taking care of my self. I’ve worked really hard over the past few years to make food a “non-event,’” a side dish, if you will. For years my days revolved around what I would eat and when I would exercise and I got so wrapped up in each moment as if it was my last chance…do you know that feeling? Like, this next meal is your last, the make or break moment, so you better make it perfect, kind of thing.

 

Ridiculous. I know. I see all of that, but for some reason over the last few months I have gotten really wrapped up in that mentality again; fixated on the outside appearance, and eating and being perfect, and forgetting that my self-worth isn’t defined by what I had for breakfast, or the size of the jeans I’m wearing.

 

So I had to do what was best for me. I took the focus away from food; writing about it, thinking about it, cooking it. I haven’t done much of any of that in the past month, and I have to admit, I have enjoyed it.

 

So what have I been doing over the past month? Well…let’s just say 2010 is going to be epic.

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That’s right my friends! I’m going to Paris!

 

It all started about a month ago. I woke up one Monday after a thought-provoking weekend at home and started my day as usual. Every Monday my school sends out a newsletter with campus information and special events and programs taking place. I, of course, never read it.

 

For some reason that Monday, I decided to read it and the first announcement at the top was for a study abroad program in Paris for the Spring semester. Hmm…interesting. There was an information session that day at 4:00pm. I didn’t think much of it at the time, mostly because I have class at 4:00pm on Mondays and couldn’t miss it.

 

Well, not two seconds letter I get another email. My teacher is stuck in an airport after a weekend trip and can’t make it back in time for class. Hmm..even more interesting.  I went to the information session and left buzzing with excitement. I knew I had to go.

The application was due that Friday (and had actually been extended another week past the deadline…could the timing have been any more perfect!?), so that week was spent getting the necessary paperwork filled out, meeting with the proper advisors, and trying to pull it all together! It was one of those things that just felt meant to be. There was no forcing it to work…it all just flowed.

 

So, my friends. It’s official. I’ll be spending next Spring in Paris studying language, art, and history. I’ve wanted to do this since I was a freshman, and have finally decided to “put on my big girl panties” and go! I leave January 4th, and don’t come back until the end of May. Nearly five months in the City of Light. Wowza.

 

So clearly, this month has been quite exiting, and very busy. I’m beyond excited for what this next year holds, and I can’t wait to share it with you. That’s right..I’m not going anywhere. The Hungry Yogini must go on. But first, I have to be honest. I’ve actually had this post written for a several days, and haven’t had the guts to publish it. I’ve thought a lot about why that might be…

 

Let’s see. How do I explain this… I’ve always been a very private person. So as you can imagine, broadcasting my life on the world wide web is a bit overwhelming. It’s a bit like being naked. In the middle of the road. At rush hour. You get the idea…

 

I’d like to make this space as true to myself as possible, something I’ve been working on over the last month; speaking my truth. And right now “myself” is a little different than you might be used to. What I’d really like to do is share what’s really going on with me and my relationship with food and body image, and also share my upcoming Parisian adventure with you, starting now as I prepare. While this is a food blog first and fore-most, I’d like to shift focus a bit and really let you in and share my life with you. That sound okay with you?

 

I’ve spent the last month not only planning my trip, but surrounding myself with the people that I love. Many heart-to-hearts (and glasses of wine…) were had and I’m feeling good. I’m lucky enough to have wonderfully supportive friends ready to offer their advice and love at the drop of a hat. Really, somebody pinch me! How did I get so lucky? I feel truly blessed, and while this month has been overwhelming and eye opening, my heart is overflowing with love and gratitude for where I am, who I am, and the people I share all of that with.

 

So what do you say? Will you have me back? 

 

 

In the spirit of fresh starts, I’ll leave you with one of my new favorites…

For a New Beginning

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life’s desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

~ John O’Donohue